


How To Be A Lesbian

by musikfurfreiheit



Category: Tarja, Within Temptation (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5082109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musikfurfreiheit/pseuds/musikfurfreiheit





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Fanfiction - Sharon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5082094) by [musikfurfreiheit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/musikfurfreiheit/pseuds/musikfurfreiheit). 



** How To Be A Lesbian **

 

Snoring. The bad mattress. The roaring sound of the engine. All of them kept Sharon awake.

The movements of the bus were supposed to rock her to sleep, but it had the absolute opposite effect. The singer didn’t dare to grab her phone to check the time. It had to be passed midnight, passed the point where she’d be able to get 8 hours of sleep. They would probably enter Sweden in a few minutes. She could already imagine how their driver would sigh once he lost the signal of the radio station he was currently listening to and start looking for another one. Once she’d asked him why he didn’t just kept some cd’s around, but he’d just shrugged before returning his attention to the road.

Another loud snore filled the bus and Sharon groaned as she heard one of the other men answering. It was as if they were communicating in a secret ancient language. If they were telling their singer to get out of bed, the message was delivered and Sharon took the advice. She pushed the curtain aside and carefully stepped out of bed. For a second she considered “accidentally” waking one of the snorers, but she ended up sneaking out anyway.

Sharon was blinded by the bright light of the lounge as she turned it on and immediately dimmed it. She grabbed a blanket and her tablet before settling down on the couch. The bottle of wine she’d opened earlier that evening was staring at her, as if it was daring her to empty it. Usually Sharon loved dares, but she passed for this one. Once, more than 10 years ago, she’d been on stage with a hangover and she’d promised herself it would never happen again. So far she had kept that promise and she wasn’t planning on breaking it tomorrow.

Determined to not even look at the bottle again Sharon unlocked her tablet. Without even thinking she opened the Twitter app. She made a mental note to spend less time on the social network –it was _not_ okay that she automatically opened the app at 2:09 am- before scrolling through the tweets of the last hours.

Only a few of the posts seemed a bit interesting, but there was one that caught Sharon’s attention. She clicked on the link that was tweeted by a fan who’d tagged her in the tweet. A new website opened and with it a whole new world for Sharon. At first she didn’t understand what she was reading but it didn’t take her long to figure it out. She was surprised, lightly shocked and slightly embarrassed as she kept reading. She even almost dropped her tablet as the door of the lounge suddenly opened.

Tarja stood in the doorway, watching her with a risen eyebrow that Sharon copied. Tarja had been touring with Within Temptation for a week now. She was the support act for the current tour and had immediately accepted Sharon’s offer to sleep in their bus. They both were the only women in the band so it was great to have each other around, but that didn’t explain why the other singer was also awake in the middle of the night.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I noticed the light was on when I went to pee.’ Tarja explained. ‘What about you? What are you doing that’s so secret it has to be done in the middle of the night? You almost freaked out when I opened the door.’

Sharon blushed as she remembered what she had been reading. She bit her lip and looked down at the device again, only answering the other woman as she sat down next to her.

‘I eh… I found something. A story written by a fan, I think.’

‘Oh, you mean fanfiction!’ Tarja smiled. ‘What’s it about?’

‘Ehm, us.’ Sharon answered, surprised by the fact there was a term for this and Tarja was familiar with it. ‘It’s about you and me, as a couple. Why would they imagine us as a couple? Why would they write about it?’

‘We’re two beautiful women, why wouldn’t they?’

‘Can you see us as a couple?’

Tarja smiled before quickly looking up and down Sharon’s body. Gently she cupped the brunette’s cheek and leaned in before softly pressing her lips on Sharon’s, giggling as she pulled back.

‘Your lips taste exactly like the fans describe them in their stories.’

‘You read them?’ Sharon asked surprised while she was still processing what had just happened.

‘Yeah, we have some very talented fans, they write very beautiful stories about us.’ Tarja said as she got up and made her way towards the door again. ‘I wonder if they’re right about you being dominant in bed.’

Tarja winked before closing the door behind her. Sharon could only stare at the closed door while she waited for Tarja to come back and tell her she was joking.

She didn’t.

This was impossible. This didn’t really happen. She must have emptied the bottle of wine after all and she was imagining things. Her eyes shot to the bottle, but saw it still wasn’t empty. This had really happened. Tarja had really kissed her and left a very confused and shocked Sharon behind.


	2. Chapter 2

The entrance hall of the venue was packed, filled with fans that were fighting to get to the merchandise stand and spend their precious money. Their bodies were still filled with adrenaline and they tried to burn every second of this evening into their memories. They just had one of the best days of their lives and didn’t want it to end.  
The contrast with Sharon couldn’t be bigger.

A heavy silence hung in the singer’s dressing room. She’d already forgotten about the concert she just gave and washed the adrenaline away in the shower. For the last few days her mind had been filled with the fanfictions she’d found on the internet. She’d read a few every evening in the last week and it had turned out to be a very bad idea.

The border between fanfiction and reality was fading. Sharon had been disappointed when she looked into the backstage during the show and Tarja was nowhere to be seen. Then she remembered Tarja only watched the shows in the fans’ stories. Sometimes she forgot Tarja had her own agenda and her own band. Every day she wondered if Tarja would kiss her again.

Tarja had confessed she’d wanted to kiss Sharon for a while, just because she was curious. She also told Sharon about her special relationship with Floor, one of their common friends, but was asked to not give any details. The brunette was still processing that Tarja was also into women, she was not ready to do the same with Floor. Especially not now they were in Finland, and Floor had come to see the show. She was somewhere in the backstage, and Sharon could only imagine what she was doing.

A knock on the door pulled Sharon from her thoughts and she looked up as the door opened. She laughed as Ruud covered his eyes while he entered and assured him he could watch. It might seem stupid, but Sharon appreciated that the guys respected her privacy so much.

‘It’s just to say that the bus driver wants to leave in half an hour and there are quite some fans waiting for you. Are you ready?’

‘Yes, I’ll be out in a few minutes, thanks.’ Sharon smiled before Ruud left again.

After a few seconds of enjoying the silence Sharon got up and got ready to leave. She tossed her tablet, phone, chewing gum and tissues in her bag before grabbing her hoodie. She took one last deep breath before opening the door and entering the hallway. Confidently she made her way towards the exit, her pokerface already in place, until she turned around the last corner.

She didn’t expect Tarja to still be in the building, but there she was. One of her hands on Floor’s hip, the other one tangled in the tall singer’s hair, their lips pressed together. They pulled back as they noticed Sharon’s presence and Floor smiled at her.

‘Hey Sharon!’ She said a bit too happy for Sharon’s liking. ‘It was an amazing show, I really enjoyed it! It’s too bad we didn’t get to catch up. Hey, you should call me when the tour is over! Maybe we can even do something with the three of us.’

‘Yeah, that sounds great! But I don’t have time now, the fans are waiting you know.’

Sharon’s smile felt so fake that she didn’t dare to stay around the two other women. Her heart was still racing as she put on her pokerface again and pushed open the exit door. The fans almost started screaming before Sharon even stepped outside and she had to fight a sigh. She would never get used to this.

Some evenings Sharon just was not in the mood for her fans, and this was one of them. The stream of fans that wanted her autograph and a picture seemed endless. After every fan she looked at the waiting bus, parked only a few meters further but yet so far away. Her cheeks started hurting from smiling and a headache grew with every flash that went off. The image of Floor and Tarja kept spooking through her head. She just wanted to leave.

Just when Sharon wanted to disappoint her fans and run to the bus, the stream of fans seemed to have ended. The people were still standing around her, but no one came asking for autographs or pictures. With a fake smile she said goodbye to the fans and made her way towards the bus, glad to finally be surrounded by silence again.

The men were sitting in the lounge, there was no sign of Tarja. She probably was already sleeping, or she still was in the building, with Floor. Once again the image of her two friends flashed for her eyes. She couldn’t name the feeling she got every time she relived those few seconds. Was it shock? Was it jealousy because she wanted Tarja to kiss _her_? Was it curiosity because she wondered what it felt like to have Tarja’s hand tangled in her hair? The realization that she actually wanted those things shocked Sharon once again.

She wanted Tarja, a woman, to kiss her, another woman. She wanted Tarja to cup her face, just like she’d done before. She wanted to taste those lips again and remember every small detail of them.

Could this be a sign? Could all of this mean she was into women? Sharon hadn’t had a relationship in over a year now and she’d broken up with every man in her life within 4 months. Being gay could totally explain that, but could this really be the answer? Could she really be a lesbian?

Never before had Sharon even considered the possibility. Just the thought of calling herself a lesbian scared her. Weren’t there certain rules before you were allowed to call yourself that? She was scared and confused and barely dared to breathe as she heard Tarja climbing into the bunk bed next to hers. Part of her was disappointed the other woman didn’t check if she was sleeping before going to bed. On the other hand, why would she? Tarja didn’t know she was having a small identity crisis.

If she wanted Tarja to kiss her, she’d have to show her she wanted it. She’d have to flirt with her, but how? She couldn’t tell Tarja her beard looked cute and she wanted to feel how strong her arms really were. How was she supposed to flirt with a woman?

Sharon only saw one solution and grabbed her tablet from underneath her pillow, its hiding place since she’d started reading those fanfictions. She unlocked the screen with slightly shaking hands and couldn’t believe herself as she typed the words “How to be a lesbian” in the search area.


	3. Chapter 3

For a second Sharon wondered if Tarja was worth all of this. The woman that looked at her from the mirror looked almost as uncomfortable as Sharon felt. The flannel shirt she was wearing was a size too small and didn’t suit her. The baggy jeans were too big but also didn’t suit her. The short-haired wig looked ugly and she already missed her make-up. Sharon had tried every single stereotype for lesbian outfits, and none seemed to suit her. Being a lesbian was a lot harder than she expected.

Sharon didn’t dare to look in the mirror anymore as she took off her gay costume. She hid the jeans she’d stolen from Stefan and the flannel shirt she’d taken from Tarja in her suitcase and changed into her normal clothing again. Tarja had kissed her when she was wearing her pajamas so she didn’t need a costume, right?

A knock on the door made her look up from the mirror. Her eyes traveled to the clock next to the door and she softly cursed as she saw the time.

‘This is so typical.’ Tarja smiled as Sharon opened the door of her hotel room. ‘You arrange something and tell me to be ready, but you’re not ready yourself.’

‘I know, I’m sorry. Come in.’

Sharon closed the door again as Tarja sat down on the bed and grabbed the wig that was still lying there. Tarja smiled as she tried it on, but Sharon could only be mad at herself for not hiding it.

‘Why do you have this wig?’ Tarja laughed.

‘I… just wanted to know what it would look like if I cut my hair short.’

‘No!’

Sharon was surprised by Tarja’s harsh reaction. The smaller woman took off the wig and stood from the bed. Sharon barely dared to breathe as Tarja stood in front of her and raised her hand. For a second she thought Tarja would touch her face, lean in and kiss her, but she was wrong. Tarja lovingly stroke her hair and didn’t even seem to notice she was still holding her breath.

‘You have such beautiful hair, why would you cut it short?’ Sharon shrugged, but Tarja ignored it. ‘I really love your hair. Please, promise you won’t cut it?’

Sharon nodded, but that obviously was not enough for the other singer. She looked up and their eyes met. Sharon only noticed now how close they stood and she felt her heart beating faster.

‘Promise it.’

‘I promise.’

‘Good.’ Tarja smiled. ‘Now go get ready, I’m curious for what you have planned.’

 

Sharon smiled as she stepped out of the taxi. The entire ride she’d been reading one particular fanfiction and this wine yard was similar to the one in the story. She’d memorized all her lines and despite of the nerves, she was ready to do this.

She’d been wondering how much the Tarja in the stories had in common with the real Tarja and now she was about to get her answers. She was ready to recreate a scene of one of the fanfictions she’d found, one that included alcohol to give her some extra courage.

The woman that owned the place greeted them with a smile and gave a short presentation of their wines. The nerves were racing through her body, but the thought of the upcoming wine calmed her a bit. Tarja didn’t seem that interested in the presentation and Sharon had to bite her lip to fight her smile. At least that was one thing the two Tarjas had in common.

The two women thanked the owner as they were guided to a standing table that was filled with several glasses of wine and a few plates of cheese. Sharon instantly got thirsty at the sight and for a second she forgot about the goal of their visit.

Carefully they tasted every wine and every kind of cheese. Sharon laughed as Tarja dared to try the blue cheese and decided to stick to the cheese she knew. No matter how much Sharon loved wine, after a few minutes she told herself this would be her last glass. She needed the alcohol for courage, but she still wanted to able to remember every single detail of what was about to happen. Carefully she placed her glass on the table again and took a piece of cheese, exactly like in the fanfiction. Her eyes were set on Tarja as she took a bite and smiled.

‘It feels like a party in my mouth.’

‘I’ve had better parties.’ Tarja shrugged.

A panic alarm went off in Sharon’s head. The Tarja in the fanfiction had said the exact same words. Just as in the story Tarja smiled at her and came closer. She placed her glass next to Sharon’s and looked up with a grin. Gently she placed her hand on the brunette’s hip before leaning up and kissing her softly. This time Sharon was prepared, sort of. She didn’t expect Tarja to initiate the kiss again, but this time she did kiss back. With closed eyes she tried to burn the shape of Tarja’s lips into her memory. The taste, the softness, the hand on her hip, she wanted to remember everything.

Sharon was breathless as Tarja pulled away and she didn’t want to open her eyes. She wanted the moment to last just that second longer.

‘That’s how the story goes, right?’ Tarja smiled as Sharon eventually opened her eyes. ‘“Sun And Wine”, it’s one of my favorite fanfictions.’

‘I… didn’t know that.’

‘Why are you recreating it?’

Sharon looked down at her glass of wine again. Her explanation had always sounded logic in her mind, but suddenly it sounded so stupid. She was almost too embarrassed to answer Tarja.

‘Sharon, if you wanted me to kiss you, you just could have asked.’

‘It’s not just that, it’s…’ Sharon sighed and bit her lip as she looked up again. ‘I think I might have feelings for you?’

It was not a statement, it was a question. Sharon wasn’t sure what had been the exact reason for all of this. There were many reasons, but not one main reason to explain it all.

‘You _think?_ ’

‘I don’t know, okay? Those fanfictions really confused me. I have never thought about other women like that, but those stories make me wonder how it is. And then you say that you can see the two of us together and…’

‘Would you like to try it?’ Tarja interrupted her. ‘Us, being a couple. Would you like to try it?’

‘What-What do you mean?’

‘I like spending time with you and I already told you I can see us as a couple. Maybe you’re not into women after all, but at least we’ve tried and you’re not confused anymore. What do you think?’

Sharon didn’t know what to say. Her mind kept replaying the kiss, the softness of Tarja’s lips, the warmth of the hand that was still resting on her hip. Her heartrate increased again as she remembered the feeling and she already longed for more.

Tarja’s skin burned under her hand as she cupped her cheek and leaned in. She almost sighed as their lips met again, as an addict that finally got their drugs. She could definitely get used to this.


	4. Chapter 4

Sharon’s body had been filling itself with excitement ever since she’d seen the first seen the signs for Madrid. She simply couldn’t wait to get off the bus and was sitting in front of the window as she looked outside, ready to jump off as soon as the vehicle stood still. A smile crawled on her face as they passed the building and she saw the fans that were already waiting to get in. They screamed and started waving as they noticed the bus, Sharon waved back before she remembered they couldn’t see her through the dark windows. The brunette looked up from the window as someone sat down next to her. The smile on her lips only grew as she saw it was the other singer, who seemed just as excited as her.

‘You seem to be in an awfully good mood.’

‘Can you blame me?’ Sharon smiled. ‘We’re in a nice sunny country, the fans look great and I can’t wait to get off this bus and spend some time without the guys, even if that time is filled with interviews.’

‘You’re not looking forward to get away from me, I hope?’

‘Never.’

Both singers smiled before Tarja leaned closer and kissed the other woman. They’d shared several kisses in the last week and Sharon had really started to enjoy them. Every single kiss was different and made her curious about the next one, wondering if tongues would be involved. Sure, she’d kissed like this, but kissing women was something completely different than kissing men.

Sharon jumped back as she heard the door behind her opening. The surprise on Tarja’s face was almost hilarious but the racing heart in her chest kept Sharon from laughing. One by one the musicians joined the singers in the front part of the bus, neither of the women dared to say a word until the vehicle stood still.

Tarja was the first one to jump off the bus, followed by the musicians and eventually Sharon. As soon as the brunette smelled the fresh air she felt a hand grabbing her arm and she was surprised as she looked Ruud right in the eye. He pulled her away from the others and looked at her with the eye of a strict father.

‘Are you dating Tarja?’

‘No….’ Sharon started, but gave in as soon as she met his eyes again. ‘I’m trying to figure out if I want to date her.’

‘By putting your tongue in her mouth?’

Sharon shrugged, but she bit her lip to fight back a small smile as she thought about the kiss.

‘Sharon you have to be careful with this.’ Ruud warned her. ‘We all know you will turn into an emotional  mess if this goes wrong. And I’m not just saying this for your own sake, think about the band, think about what will happen when people discover this. It’s going to be a disaster, Sharon, this is a really bad idea. You should stop this.’

‘And you should stop telling me what to do, this is none of your business. I also didn’t say anything about you and Stefan.’

‘That was completely different.’ Ruud hissed. ‘That was one time, we were drunk and we aren’t even sure if anything really happened.’

‘Whatever, my interview is waiting.’

Without another word or looking back at the guitarist Sharon walked away. Did he really think Sharon hadn’t thought about all of this? Of course she’d thought about the band, but all of them supported the queer community so she didn’t see the problem. As if all of this hadn’t been hard enough for her she now had to calm herself before meeting the first interviewer.

She failed. Everything failed.

She’d ended the interview after just a few minutes to avoid snapping at the man. Why did these people keep asking the same questions over and over again? If he had watched or read at least one of her interviews he’d have the answers to all his questions. She managed to finish to next two interviews without sighing when she had to answer the same question for the third time that day. The fact that the interviewers seemed to cut their time short because of the short answers they got didn’t bother her today. Usually she felt bad if she did it, these people were just doing their job, but today she couldn’t care less.

After the interviews it was time to mess up the show. Her heart wasn’t in the show, and neither was her head. She kept thinking about what Ruud said, about what could happen if the world found out about her and Tarja. She thought about what would happen if things wouldn’t work out between her and the other singer and she broke out in tears on stage. The song Somewhere was ended halfway, fans and musicians had no idea of what was happening, and if Sharon was honest she didn’t know either.

She forgot her lyrics, tripped over some wires, ran into the musicians several times and refused to sing the last two planned songs. She was done, there was no energy left. She had to get away from it all and for once she couldn’t care about what the fans thought. Soon, when they found out about her _thing_ with Tarja, they wouldn’t remember it anymore.

After the show she’d showered quickly before hiding in the tourbus. She didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t dare to look the musicians in the eye, she’d disappointed them. Tarja was another case. Sharon hadn’t disappointed her, hadn’t ruined her show and on top of that the Finnish singer had made tea for her. She didn’t want to see anyone, but somehow she still ended up with a cup of tea in her hands, a blanket around her shoulders and Tarja’s arms carefully wrapped around her.

Ruud had noticed it too. He’d peeked through the door and heard Sharon’s broken voice as she talked to Tarja. He’d never heard their singer like this. She never let her guard down, never showed her emotional side, and now she was showing Tarja every part of her soul.

Maybe he had been wrong. Yes, the two women took a lot of risks, but they seemed to be sincere. Their relationship, or whatever it was, didn’t look like a joke. They truly seemed to trust each other on a level the guitarist had never seen before.


	5. Chapter 5

The night had brought peace to Sharon. Tarja had stayed with her until she’d fallen asleep and she was still there in the morning, just as she’d promised. She’d promised Sharon she would be there for her, no matter what. That whatever would happen if people found out or if it didn’t work were problems for later. Right now they were happy, and they had to enjoy every moment they got to spend together. And enjoying they did.

To make sure Sharon wouldn’t start overthinking everything again Tarja had taken her into the city. The Spanish sun was burning down on their faces and made the ice creams in their hands melt even faster. A mix of brown and pink ice cream made its way towards Tarja’s hand, a white mix of coconut and vanilla did the same with Sharon’s hand.  They smiled as they tried to keep the ice cream from reaching their skin and laughed as they failed. The day was way too beautiful for worries. Even when a kid with a skateboard bumped into Sharon, she had nothing to worry about. The pigeons took care of her ice cream, which had fallen on the ground, and Tarja was happy to replace it with her own.

‘Are you sure?’ Sharon asked. ‘I mean, you haven’t even eaten half of it. Are you sure you don’t want some more?’

‘If I want more I’ll just do this.’

Within a second Tarja stood on her toes and had her lips pressed on Sharon’s. Her lips still tasted like the strawberry ice cream and Sharon smiled as the smaller woman pulled back.

‘Stop grinning, idiot. It’s not like it’s the first time I kissed you.’

Sharon hid her smile behind the ice cream and grabbed Tarja’s hand as they walked on. It had become a habit, one that she didn’t expect to develop so easily. The first time they’d walked hand in hand Sharon had been holding her breath for eat least an entire minute. What would people say? Would they yell at them, point at them or just whisper to each other as they walked by? In less than a week all those worries had disappeared and Sharon now fully enjoyed holding Tarja’s hand. And Tarja for sure knew how to take advantage of that.

‘Can you hold my hand a little longer?’

‘Eh, sure.’ Sharon answered before finishing the last part of her ice cream. With a grin the Finnish singer pulled her towards the fountain in front of her and Sharon almost sighed as Tarja placed her foot on the small barrier around it.

‘Don’t let go!’

‘No, no, I got you.’ Sharon smiled as she shook her head.

She loved this side of Tarja, the side that never grew up. The side that still slept with a small stuffed unicorn and walked on the barriers of fountains. The tip of Tarja’s tongue came peeping between her lips as she concentrated on keeping her balance, it was an adorable sight.

Sharon’s attention was caught by a group of people applauding a few meters away from them. They were looking at two local street artists that showed their best gymnastic tricks, each of them looking more dangerous than the previous one. The second that the girl’s feet touched the ground after the boy threw her in the air for a summersault another applause sounded. Sharon joined the audience and applauded with a smile.

‘Sharon!’

Not only Sharon but also a few other people around her looked at the fountain as the shout sounded. Tarja was sitting in the fountain, her pants and shirt all wet. Sharon had to bite her lip to fight the smile while Tarja regretted giving away her ice cream to her.

 

With a smile Sharon crawled into her bunk bed. Tarja had gone to bed 15 minutes earlier and her peaceful breathing sounded above her head. The red wine was still flowing in her veins, a slight sunburn was present on her cheeks. It had been a wonderful day and secretly Sharon was too happy to sleep. As if it was a habit she took her tablet and opened the next fanfiction on her reading list.

At first it seemed like any other story she’d read, but soon everything changed. A blush crawled on Sharon’s face as she read on how the fictional Sharon and fictional Tarja took things to the next stage and moved their activities to the bedroom. She barely dared to breathe as she read on and carefully listened to the sounds around her. This certainly was a moment she didn’t want anyone to walk in on her.

Sharon could almost feel the touches of the imaginary Tarja on her body. She could imagine her soft fingers dancing over her skin, from her neck to her breast, traveling up from her thighs to her center. She was very aware of the arousal that was building in her body and sighed as she shifted her position. The wetness between her legs was undeniable and she bit her lip as she slowly let her hand slip in her panties. It wasn’t the first time she did this on the tourbus, but somehow it still felt different.

With her left hand Sharon held her tablet as she kept reading, closing her eyes every now and then to get a better mental picture. Her right hand moved faster and touched the places she enjoyed most, but stopped every time she heard a noise coming from Tarja’s bed. She tried imagining that the other singer was doing the same, right above her head, that it was okay to think about her like that.

It didn’t work. Her touches started to hurt after a while. She no longer was aroused but frustrated and ashamed. They weren’t _really_ dating so she wasn’t sure if it was okay to think about Tarja like this.

Footsteps sounded and Sharon put her tablet away again as she realized some of the musicians also came to bed. She wiped her hands clean in the corner of her mattress before turning her back to it. With her mind set on the happy moments of the day Sharon drifted off to sleep, but it wasn’t long before the other thoughts took over her dreams.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning came way too early for Sharon. Her brain was only half awake when she sat down with a cup of coffee, her eyes barely awake. She’d woken up several times at night, the sleeping singer in the bed above her on her mind. Only a second after thinking about the last dream she remembered Tarja walked in and sat down next to her. Sharon almost flinched as the other singer kissed her cheek before stealing a sip from her coffee.

She didn’t dare to look at Tarja. What if she heard her and knew what she did last night? What if she caught her staring? What if it didn’t work the previous night because she isn’t into women? What if thinking about Tarja didn’t work because she isn’t really gay? What if Tarja…

‘Sharon?’ Her thoughts were interrupted as Tarja covered her hand with her own and smiled at her. ‘You really need to wake up, we’ll be at the hotel in fifteen minutes.’

‘Oh, okay.’

Sharon shoved her cup of coffee in front of Tarja and made her way towards her bed without looking at the other woman. She prepared a small bag to take with her to the hotel and brushed her hair before returning to the front of the bus. The musicians had already gathered there and were also waiting for the bus to arrive at the hotel. Without a single word Sharon sat down and tried to look anywhere but at Tarja. She had to focus on the show today instead of the other singer’s body. Ruining two shows in a row would be unforgivable.

Sharon felt Tarja’s gaze on her body but she refused to meet her eyes, she kept staring outside until the bus finally stopped. She was the first one to jump out of the bus and almost ran towards the doors of the hotel. Once everyone was inside the check in started and that was when Sharon remembered she would share a room with Tarja. Not interested in a scene she just took a deep breath before following the other singer to their room. The ride in the elevator was silent. None of them said a word on their way to their room and the door falling shut almost sounded loud.

‘When are you going to tell me what’s going on?’ Tarja asked as she placed her bag on the bed. ‘You literally said two words today, you won’t look at me, is this about what Ruud said again?’

‘No, it’s not.’ Sharon mumbled as she sat down on the bed.

Tarja sat down next to her and gently took her hand. For the first time Sharon actually looked at her. The worried look on her face didn’t stop her mind from thinking back to her dreams and she bit her lip. How was she supposed to tell her this?

‘Sharon, you can tell me anything.’

‘We had sex.’ Sharon said. ‘In one of the fanfictions. They wrote about you and me having sex.’

‘Oh, you found a porn fic! Is that what has been bothering you? That the fans write about that?’

‘No, I… I liked it. And I… tried to… you know…’

‘Masturbate.’

‘Do you really have to say the words?’

‘I’m sorry.’ Tarja laughed. ‘Go on.’

‘Well, I couldn’t. It didn’t work. I didn’t have an orgasm and now I’m really frustrated and also scared.’

‘Scared of what?’

Sharon shot Tarja a deadly glare as she saw how the Finnish was trying not to laugh, but she just answered her anyway.

‘That I won’t like sex with another woman.’

‘Well… Do you want to find out?’

Sharon just looked at the other singer. Tarja smiled as she let go of Sharon’s hand and brought her own up to the brunettes face. She kissed the other woman and lovingly stroke her neck. An excited feeling spread through Sharon’s body as Tarja’s hands discovered her body. Her heart started beating faster as the hand reached her breasts, but it seemed to skip a beat as Tarja grabbed her hand and guided it to her breasts. She pulled back from the kiss and saw Tarja biting her lip to fight her smile.

‘You’ve never touched another woman’s breasts, have you?’

Sharon shook her head, her hands still on Tarja’s breast until the Finnish singer removed them. With a smile Tarja took off her shirt and tossed it behind her on the bed before it was followed by her bra. Sharon’s mouth went dry and her heart was racing. Tarja’s breasts were beautiful. Not too big, not too small, they looked perfect and so soft.

‘Go ahead, touch them.’

Sharon carefully brought her hand to one of Tarja’s breasts and smiled as she touched it. She let her fingertips dance over the skin and gently stroke the nipple before she cupped the breast.

‘Can I squeeze it?’

‘Sure.’

‘It’s so soft.’ Sharon smiled as she squeezed the breast.

‘you know, this isn’t fair.’

Without a single warning Tarja took off Sharon’s shirt and bra and grinned at the revealed skin. She placed her hands on Sharon’s breasts and kissed her, pushing her down on the bed in the process.  Tarja’s mouth moved to her neck and Sharon let out a small whimper as she felt a wet tongue running over the skin in her neck. The warm breath moved up and sent a shiver down her spine as it stopped at her ear.

‘Just relax and enjoy it.’

The whisper was unnecessary. Sharon was unable to move due the new sensations that filled her body. Tarja’s touches were so much softer and gentle than she’d ever experienced. She was touched in the exact right places, spots of which she never knew she would love it. Sharon enjoyed this more than any other time she’d had sex in her life, this was love making on a whole new level.

She didn’t remember much of Tarja’s exact moves. She just knew that at some point she swore to be in heaven, had her nails buried in the sheets underneath could only think about the other singer. She didn’t know how long it took for her to catch her breath, how long it took before she opened her eyes, but there was one thing she did know.

For a few seconds Sharon just stared at Tarja, who was still on top of her and watched her with a smile. There was only one thing she could think about, just one thought that filled her entire mind.

‘I love you.’

The whisper barely broke through the silence, but they were spoken. It was the first time one of them said it and for a second Sharon feared she made a mistake. She had fallen in love with Tarja, but what if the feeling wasn’t mutual? What if she just ruined the best bond she ever had?

She was ready to take her words back, but then Tarja smiled.

‘I love you too.’


	7. Chapter 7

Sharon couldn’t believe how fast the time had passed. She couldn’t believe this was already the last show of this tour, that after tonight she and Tarja wouldn’t be able to spend every day together anymore. The other woman’s head was resting in her lap and her fingers played with the soft black hair. The sounds of the soundcheck managed to reach the dressing room every now and then, but it didn’t bother them. They were just enjoying the silence and each other’s presence.

Usually at least one of their band members was around. At this point all of them knew about their relationship and they all were supportive, but being alone was still better. The sweet scent of Tarja’s perfume wasn’t overpowered by the 5 different brands of aftershave. She didn’t had to divide her attention, all of it could go to her girlfriend and she could get all of Tarja’s.

Their moment of peace didn’t last long. Only a few minutes after the soundcheck ended the doors of the hall were opened and the chattering of the fans sounded. Tarja looked up at Sharon and they smiled as they knew they were both thinking the same. The last show of a tour usually meant that the fans had organized at least one big flashmob. They would held up notes to thank the band, threw little teddy bears on the stage or fill the venue with balloons. One time they’d all started dancing the Macarena and if Sharon was honest, it was one of her favorite moments of the last 15 years.

Sharon was pulled from her thoughts as Tarja suddenly sat up. She pouted because of the loss of warmth, but smiled as Tarja kissed her cheek.

‘I really have to start getting ready, sweetie.’

‘The fans can wait.’

‘I’m not you, _soon_ doesn’t mean 6 months for me.’ Tarja laughed. ‘I don’t want to make them wait.’

Sharon stuck out her tongue but Tarja only laughed. They both knew Sharon was terrible at timing anything, and they also knew it was pointless to work on it. Sharon’s mind was what she called “an organized mess”, a mess that now mostly involved around Tarja. Sharon was almost counting the minutes until Tarja’s show started and she sneaked out of her dressing room as she heard the music start. She knew she was supposed to prepare herself for her own performance, but she figured she’d have time enough during the changeover of the stage.

Tarja widely smiled as she noticed Sharon watching her from the backstage. It was Tarja’s special smile, the smile that was only meant for her and that woke up the butterflies in her stomach. The butterflies were stronger than the nerves that also lived in Sharon’s body and that was enough to convince her she was doing the right thing. Tonight the fans wouldn’t be the ones with the biggest surprise.

A smile was almost plastered on her face from that moment on. It didn’t disappear when Tarja’s show saw over, not when she had to sit still for almost half an hour for her hair and make-up, not when Ruud spilled beer over his shirt and he quickly had to get changed again. Due to Ruud’s little accident the Within Temptation show started later than scheduled but Sharon didn’t care, the fans were used to it anyway.

Sharon’s heart was racing in her chest as she finally entered the stage. The fans seemed to yell louder than ever before, as if they knew something special would happen tonight. They screamed the lyrics along with her, jumped whenever she jumped, almost blinded her with their flashes. It felt like it would be their best concert ever but then again, every concert started with that feeling.

Sharon was enjoying herself, this was exactly what she lived for. She lived to be on stage, to entertain people and to hear them scream the lyrics she wrote. She was living the dream, but there was still one thing that could make it better.

Sharon feared her heart might burst when the last note of Stand My Ground was still fading away. She didn’t had to look at the setlist that was taped to the floor in front of her, she knew very well what song was next. The fans started cheering as the first notes sounded, her hands lightly shook as she brought the microphone to her lips. Her smile was wider than it had been all day as she sang the first words and it only got wider when a second voice sounded.  
The entire tour Sharon and Tarja had been singing Paradise live together so the fans expected it, but that didn’t mean they weren’t yelling as she stepped on stage. Tarja was beautiful and almost made Sharon forget she had a song to perform. Their voices were filled with emotions, they sang for each other and completely forgot the audience every now and then. They held each other’s hands, looked into each other’s eyes as they sang the chorus and grinned as they heard some fans scream.

They were getting closer to the end of the song and smiled as they looked at each other. Once again they linked their hands, they sang the last note and hugged each other as the fans kept yelling. They pulled back from their hug, looked at each other for only a second before Sharon leaned down and pressed her lips on Tarja’s.

A loud gasp sounded in the audience but it quickly changed into a loud applause. Sharon and Tarja both smiled as they saw and heard the reaction of their fans, it was better than they had dared to hope for.

Sharon had learned so much in the last weeks. That she had to believe in love, that their fans loved and supported them no matter what. She had learned that loving women worked better for her than loving men, but there was one very important lesson she’d learned and would remember as long as she lived.  
The best way to be a lesbian was by being herself.


End file.
